I told my girlfriend

And I found out she does it, too.

 

For better or for worse, NoFap has played a large roll in our relationship.  We started dating two years ago, before I’d even heard of Reddit.  Early on, we decided we wanted to wait until we were married (IF we ever got married) to have sex.  I know it seems unorthodox by today’s standards, and I know it doesn’t work for a lot of couples.  However, this was one thing we both decided was right for us.  However, I didn’t know there was something else I had in common.

 

For years now, I had been struggling with the issue of fapping.  At the time, I rarely looked at porn, but I had an incredible imagination.  In my head were thousands of inappropriate scenarios with girls I met in real life.  I was addicted, but I was desperately trying to get better.  I couldn’t keep this a secret.  So I did something rather reckless.

 

I (bravely) brought it up to her, because I knew it could threaten our relationship.  My greatest fear was that no woman would date me if they found out how bad I was.  I didn’t expect girls to understand; they just think it’s gross.  Luckily for me, my girlfriend did not break up with me.  Although she was ashamed to admit it, she too had struggled with masturbation in high school.  While her problems weren’t as bad as mine, at least she had done it also.  She was willing to listen and understand me.  To this day, I consider myself incredibly blessed to have a woman who had the same problems as me.  Plus, she knew I was trying to get better.

 

Throughout the next two years, our relationship grew.  However, we encountered some reoccurring problems.  The sexual tension in our relationship often lead me to fap more.  We would fool around and then stop, leaving me with urges and no other way to fulfill them.  The same thing began happening to her.  We knew that having sex was not an option.  Some people would call us crazy, but we simply decided it was something we were not going to do.  I know it when we finally do it, it will be fantastic, but we both want to wait for when the moment is right.  That being said, we were in a pickle.

 

What I didn’t know was, this constant sexual fever was putting a strain on the rest of our relationship.  It sparked a curiosity in me that led me to pursing internet pornography.  I kept wanting to see more and more of what “real sex” was like, so I could fantasize about it with her.  What I didn’t know was, SHE WAS DOING THE EXACT SAME THING.  My girlfriend bravely came to me one day and revealed that she had developed an addiction to porn and masturbation.  I was stunned.  I knew she had struggled with it in her past, but suddenly it seemed so real.  She broke down and cried.  She was ashamed and had tried to keep it a secret.  I comforted her; I was guilty of the same problem.   I knew we had to do something.

 

So we swore it all off.  We decided to focus on the OTHER parts of our relationship, the things we had abandoned.  We quit porn cold turkey.  We tried to spend more time going on dates, doing fun things, hanging out with friends, and less time talking about sex and fooling around.  It wasn’t always easy.  One day we were kissing and things began to get out of control.  We both stopped and promised to behave ourselves.  By the end of the day, both of us had gone back to our dorms, watched porn, and fapped/shlicked.  We can laugh about it now, but it was one embarrassing phone call that night.  It was at that moment, I knew fate had brought us together.  We were in this battle together.

 

In October, I discovered NoFap and I’ve found this great community to be so supportive.  I no longer feel like I am alone in the world; I know other people are going through similar struggles.  However, she has been my greatest motivator.  Both of us are doing MUCH BETTER now.  I’m over 60 days in, and she’s probably more.  I had some pretty low moments in 2012, but she was always there to pick me up again.  One day she frankly told me, “Any other girl would have kicked you to the curb by now.”  I have no doubt that she is right.  But even in the face of some of my failures, I knew I was incredibly lucky because I had a woman who EXPERIENCED my troubles.  She has been there before, and that makes all the difference.

 

She is truly wonderful.  She’s not perfect, but that’s what makes her perfect for me.

 

-Senator Roast.

I have lurked at my neighbor’s door

How many of us lurk…we steal a passing glance at a lady in a low cut top, a bikini-clad girl at the water park, even that lazy girl who wore yoga pants to class for the 3rd time this week.   Our eyes lurk longer than they should, filling us with fap material for later.

But our minds lurk, too.  I have multiple contacts on Facebook, many of whom are good friends, that I talk to regularly on chat.  Some of these are women, old high school friends, people from my past that I may have thought were cute.
And sometimes, I catch myself lurking.  I say compliments that are perhaps more than friendly.  I bring up conversation subjects that could lead to talking about sex.  I know we’ll never be together, and we’re just friends…but I’m somewhere between my mind and my body, there is a disconnect.

I have a wonderful girlfriend who is better than any woman I have ever met.  We chose not to have sex, and we are waiting until marriage because we both decided it’s what we want to do.   I’m NEVER going to cheat on my girlfriend.  She is worth WAY to much for me.  I will NEVER cheat on her.

But Jesus said simple lust is adultery in a man’s heart…so I guess I already have cheated.  I guess I suck.

Fortunately, my wonderful girlfriend understands how men can be tempted, and she forgives me for the occasional misstep.

So why do I lurk on these other women?  I’m not going to gain anything from them.  It’s foolishness and it needs to stop; it’s playing with fire.  Sooner or later, usually sooner, a BAD mental image of one of them will come up, and I’ll be tempted to fall into a fap routine with a wild imagination about things that will never happen.  It’s not fair to me, it’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to my girlfriend.

Whether you are Christian or Atheist, you can appreciate the story of Job, who balled really hard.  His commitment to his lady was so intense, that he said this:

⁹ “If my heart has been enticed by a woman,
or if I have lurked at my neighbor’s door,
¹⁰ then may my wife grind another man’s grain,
and may other men sleep with her.
¹¹ For that would have been wicked,
a sin to be judged.

I am guilty.  I have lurked at my neighbor’s door.  You know what he means: taking the long way to class so you see her leaving the gym.  Going up to the 3rd floor of the library because you hope to wave at her, walking underneath her on the steps so you can see up her skirt…ahem.  All this fuels your desire to fap.  Late at night, those images of her cleavage as she bent over to pick up her keys come racing back and you can’t get it out of your head.

 

So.  No more late-night Facebook chats, no more texts saying “remember in high school…,” and no more darting eyes.  If you want to win nofap 2013, you CANNOT afford to be lurking.  Single, dating, or married, lurking will only lead to fapping, or worse.  (If you are single, I genuinely encourage you to go get the girl!  Win her!  Don’t confine yourself to just lurking…and fapping.)

You can do it.  MAKE 2013 YOUR YEAR.

-Senator Roast

Game Time

I NEED TO GET PUMPED UP.

So, January has come, and a year is at steak.

Mmmm…steak.

Anyways, when you hear that music above, you know it’s the start of something great; a football game is about to start.  It’s a 2 hour battle of strength and wills.  That’s how I felt today.  It’s the first day of nofap 2013, and the first day of the rest of your life.  I will admit, this first day had its challenges.  The devils knows how to go after you, and today he was placing rancid thoughts in my mind.  My thoughts wandered all to often to images of women that I should think of.  On occasion, I find myself staring at Google Images, not searching for anything, but knowing exactly what I want to search for.  Perhaps the last two weeks were too easy, and so now he’s waiting for my to let my guard down.

 

I won’t.  I will not stop now.

 

I have committed too much to this cause to give in on the first day.  I promised myself A YEAR without self pleasure.  It took a 3 minute phone call with my girlfriend this afternoon to remind me just how important this is.  With her helps and the grace of God, I plan to stand up on January 1st, 2014 and say I did just what I set out to do.

 

You can too.  MAKE 2013 YOUR YEAR.

 

-Senator Roast

 

 

Pre-Season

Nobody takes pre-season games seriously, unless the New England Patriots lose, then you use pre-season games as a way to make fun of Patriots fans.

 

Even though nofap2013 has not started yet, I’m already abstaining.  I’ve been abstaining since October 2012, so nofap 2013 is less about new beginnings and more about keeping up the good work.  Besides, starting to fap just for 2 days and then going cold turkey would be really hard.  I am better off if I can maintain my momentum.

So the pre-season is upon us.  Us these days to marshal yourself and prepare for battle.  For once the regular season starts, things get serious.  YOU CAN DO IT.  MAKE 2013 YOUR YEAR.

 

-Senator Roast.

Make this Your Year

You can call me Senator Roast.

 

Back in October 2012, I made the life changing decision to give up masturbation.  I did it for my God, my girlfriend, and myself.  I found a growing community of support on Reddit for those called “Fapstronauts.”  This blog is for them.

 

I will be chronicling going a whole year without porn or masturbation.  I don’t think it will be easy, but I WILL NOT FAIL.

 

If you’re a Fapstronaut, make 2013 YOUR YEAR.  Quit today.  Fight back against the horrid addictions of pornography and masturbation.  Realize your potential in life and live it.  I don’t care if your a man of faith or an atheist; this is a struggle we  all have to win.  It’s time to take back our bodies, our minds, and our lives.  We must do it for ourselves and the women we love.  Who is with me?

 

Make 2013 YOUR YEAR.